How to Buy Crypto for Dummies?

If you clicked on this article, it's probably because you've heard about Bitcoin, Ethereum, and those famous NFTs (which, by the way, are not metals or a washing machine brand). But how do you buy crypto without ending up losing all your money, your dignity, and maybe even your dog? No risk for your cat, though—it already has 3 other owners without you knowing.

Let me explain this step by step, and I promise not to drown you in incomprehensible technical terms. If one or two terms make you raise an eyebrow 🤨, go check out the crypto glossary here.

Choose Your Crypto Platform (your doorway to this crazy world)

Before you can buy crypto, you need to choose a platform. Think of it like choosing a bank, but cooler, because you're handling digital money. Here are some options:

• Binance: It's like the Amazon of crypto. You'll find everything there, even stuff you don't need. Perfect if you want options, but it can feel a bit overwhelming at first.
• Coinbase: The ideal for beginners. Simple, user-friendly, but (and there's always a but), their fees are a bit steep. Kind of like ordering at a fancy restaurant when you could've eaten at McDonald's.
• Kraken: For those who want to look professional without actually being one. Good platform, solid reputation.
• eToro: If you like trading with a bit of social flair, eToro lets you copy other traders' moves. Ideal if you want to play follow-the-leader.
• Crypto.com : A very popular platform with a well-designed mobile app, ideal for buying, selling, and using your cryptocurrencies on a daily basis.
• SwissBorg : Perfect for those who want to manage everything exclusively from their phone. There is no PC version here: everything is done via a mobile application with a stylish, clear, and minimalist interface.

Choose a platform that suits you, and most importantly, that's regulated. Don't fall into the trap of a dubious site that promises 10,000% returns. If it sounds too good to be true, well, it probably is.

💡 Tip: If you are a beginner, start with just one platform and use this table to guide you. Click on "Sign up" and start slowly, even with €50 to €100 to get familiar. This will allow you to have fun without too much stress.

Create Your Account (it's not rocket science)

Okay, now you need to sign up. It's pretty much the same as signing up for Netflix, except here, you're going to have to give a bit more info than just your name and email. They'll ask for:

• Your email: Yes, they'll send you tons of emails about promotions, market news, and the price of Bitcoin every 5 seconds. Brace yourself.
• Identity verification (KYC): This is where it gets a little more serious. They'll ask for your ID or passport. Why? Because regulations require it, and because they want to make sure you're not trying to fund some shady operation. So, get that ID ready and smile. It's legal, it's necessary.

💡 Pro tip: Don't worry, it's pretty straightforward. Just make sure to take a clear photo of your ID. If it's blurry, you'll have to do it all over again. And trust me, you don't want that.

Deposit Funds (money in, crypto out)

Now that you're registered and verified, it's time to deposit some cash. Most platforms will give you several options to fund your account:

• Bank card (credit/debit): The classic method. It's fast, convenient, but you'll likely pay a small fee.
• Bank transfer: A bit slower, but usually cheaper. If you can wait a day or two, this is a solid choice.
• PayPal: If you want to avoid pulling out your card, some platforms accept PayPal, which is handy when you want to buy crypto in 2 clicks.

💡 Pro tip: If you choose a bank card, be ready to pay deposit fees (don't worry, it's like processing fees—you don't know what they're for, but you pay them anyway).

Buy Your First Crypto (you're in now)

Now it gets fun! It's time to buy crypto. And yes, unlike your Netflix subscription, you're going to own something real… or almost.

🔍 Some popular cryptos to start with:

• Bitcoin (BTC): The big boss of crypto. It's like buying gold, but in digital form. Bitcoin is sometimes used as a hedge against inflation or economic uncertainty.
• Ethereum (ETH): The second biggest crypto. Unlike Bitcoin, which is mainly seen as a store of value (or currency), Ethereum is primarily a decentralized platform that enables the development of smart contracts and decentralized applications (dApps).
• Binance Coin (BNB): The token of the Binance platform. If you want to save a bit on fees, this is a good option.
• Solana (SOL): The crypto that's skyrocketing, like a Web3 superhero.

Store Your Crypto (and not under your mattress)

You don't want your crypto to end up like Monopoly money, right? So you need to store it securely.

🔒 Where to Store Your Crypto?

The choice of wallet depends on how long and in what way you want to keep your crypto. Each option has its advantages and risks.

• Online wallet: (e.g., on the platform where you bought your crypto).
  It's very convenient, accessible anywhere, and ideal for small amounts or regular use. ⚠️ But if the platform gets hacked or encounters technical issues, you could lose your funds. It's rare, but it happens. (Does FTX ring a bell?)
• Hardware wallet: It's like an ultra-secure jewelry box for your crypto. Ideal for larger amounts (Ledger, Trezor). With proper use, it's very secure, but be careful to keep your device and private keys safe. Losing those keys = permanently losing your funds.

💡 Pro tip: If you plan to let your crypto sit for a while, a hardware wallet is recommended for better security. But remember: whatever option you choose, you are fully responsible for your crypto. Even with the best protections, security depends on you and your good practices (passwords, backups, two-factor authentication).

In summary: convenience and speed → online wallet, maximum security → hardware wallet, but in both cases, vigilance is key.

Congratulations, You're Officially a Crypto Owner!

If you've followed all these steps, congratulations! 🎉 You've just joined the club of crypto owners. You're officially in the game—well… let's say you're not as clueless as your grandma anymore. Yes, that's right—you're better off than your grandma! Now you can track prices, buy more coins, or even sell them if you're feeling lucky or better informed than average.

🚀 Final tip: Crypto is a long-term investment, so keep your cool. If Bitcoin's price drops, breathe. It happens even to the best. Do your research, follow the news, and most importantly… remember to laugh a little from time to time! Last piece of advice: remember that no one will ask for your credentials like your bank does, so don't get scammed like a fool or you'll instantly go back to grandma status!

Conclusion

Buying crypto is a bit like learning to ride a bike. At first, it seems scary, but eventually, you take off the training wheels. Once you find your rhythm, it's actually pretty fun. With this article, you already have the basics to get started without ending up like the crushed pigeon that thinks it's smarter by waiting until the last second to take off.

Don't forget to share this article with your buddy who thinks crypto is black magic or reserved for drug cartels! 😎💸

Share or you're a noob!